The last few weeks have been very difficult for us all. Just when you think life is grand and everything is going right, it all gets taken away in a heartbeat. Never take a moment for granted because it may be your last. For years now I have seen very little of my family. I've stopped in from time to time and worked with my father here and there, but always regretted not spending more time with Janine, my brother TJ & my sister Christina. I always kept saying to myself, "We'll have more time next week." Well let me just say... If you ever find yourself thinking that, think again. Today may be your last day.

I've always looked up to my father and thought the world of him. He's always done everything in his power to make sure his family was taken care of. It has been and always will be his only concern. He never really does anything for himself. It's always work to support his family and that is what he loves to do. It seems so unfair that for someone that lives to serve the Lord and provide for his family has to lose his partner just as the time is coming for the two of them to sit back, enjoy each other & what they have created.

My father John & his wife Janine, my step-mother, have been married for over 20 years and I always thought that they would have another 20. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Dad has been by her side everyday for weeks now, doing anything & everything he possibly can not only to make sure she is fed, bathed & comfortable, but also to make her smile, laugh & enjoy what short time she has left with us. It's not about him losing her... it's about her having to leave all of us behind. Strange that a healthy, ambitious, outgoing & wonderful woman can be on top of the world one day and the next, be dying. To have your entire body be consumed by a disease, in a matter of weeks, that you never knew you had. It seems she's aged 30 years in just 3 weeks. I hurt for her... I hurt for my father... I hurt for my sister... I hurt for a lot of reasons... I believe Janine deserves to see her daughter grow up, go to college, become a beautiful woman with a career & family of her own. But she won't get to. Why? Why is it her time to go? I guess now, she'll get to see it all from above.

Janine has been such a wonderful person since I've known her the past 20 years. Of course there were times that I didn't like her much or was upset over something silly, but she has truly taught me so much over the years that she will always be with me; in my heart, my mind & in the life she has created around me. I just found out that she recently received her Tennessee Master Gardeners degree which I am very glad she had the opportunity to receive. She has been a horticulture specialist since I've known her & has always been digging in the dirt & planting new life... cleaning out the streams, landscaping & putting the finishing touches on our natural surroundings. Everything she has done, still grows today & brings beauty to our home, our lives & the world. She was a hell of a ballroom dancer too. You should see the way these two light up the dance floor... I'm sure there are folks all over Tennessee that will cherish that forever.

I'm going to miss her so much. I sat with her today, holding her hand while she slept. Although it wasn't a peaceful sleep at all. Heavy breathing, her heart beating as fast as can be one second and almost non-existent the next... I sat there holding her hand, crying... telling her I loved her... I would squeeze her hand every few minutes hoping she would squeeze back... She never did, but I saw a single tear fall from her left eye & I knew she could feel that I was there with her... even though she was still unconscious.

I feel so helpless... I wish there was more I can do. I can hear her breathing heavy from the other room as we all sit here, waiting... wishing she had more time. Of course I don't want to see her go, I just don't want to see her suffer anymore. I want to look up at the skies above and say, "You did great Janine. You raised a beautiful family & we are all so thankful that we had the opportunity to be a part of your life and you a part of ours. You succeeded in every way. We love you, we miss you and we can't wait to be with you again."

(UPDATE: I found out later around 5 pm that she passed just minutes after that. Her sister Michelle said she hadn't cried in days. I'm so glad you heard me Janine... There's still so much I wish I would have said even though I KNOW now you can still hear us and will always be watching over us. I love you.)